Managing differences between siblings

Hi everyone, well that was a nightmare of an evening :woman_facepalming:t3: How do you respond when one of your children is distraught and crying that he’s never received a school award but their brother just got an award for being a good friend? He’s always had difficulty with making friends and this has hit him hard. The usual platitudes just weren’t hitting the spot tonight and he’s gone to bed absolutely devastated.

Should also probably mention they’re twins so the comparison that happens is a nightmare to manage.

Oh my goodness LondonParent, that sounds so tough! I can imagine how your heart must have been aching. Bless him, I hope he woke up feeling better and remembering that he’s good at lots of things too and just as special as he’s brother!

You said the platitudes / praise and encouragement wasn’t hitting the spot. And you’re right, they can be difficult to receive when we’re upset when our brains are in the ‘fight or flight’ mode. But honestly, in that moment, you probably couldn’t do anything more. Just being there, acknowledging his feelings, reminding him of how special he is, is more than enough. So well done, it must have been extremely difficult.

In time your son will grow more resilient - just continue to highlight and praise any time he is brave and overcomes a challenge in addition to all of the things that he’s good at, that he enjoys and what makes him special.

How lovely for your other son though, I bet he is proud of himself!

Take care LondonParent and remember that this moment will soon pass.

Has anybody else been in a situation like this? Please share.

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Thanks so much @Parent_Coach_Mel, you’ve made me feel loads better! I will keep acknowledging his feelings and hold space for him to feel what he feels. Good to know I’m on the right track at least as emotions are still high today. Thanks again :smiley:

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Our two often compare themselves with each other @LondonParent. It can be really hard. Our youngest just seems to take to anything she turns her hand to, whereas for our oldest things don’t come as naturally and she has to work so much harder at them. I think she sees that and feels jealous of her younger sister. But she never says that out loud. I think jealousy is a very difficult emotion to talk about. Does anyone have experience of how to have that conversation with a child? About what to do when you feel jealous. Thanks! x

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