My tween has such an attitude

Ok so my daughter has only recently turned 9 but I feel like the tween angst is hitting us early.

She has serious attitude and sass and some flat out mean streaks when hearing answers she doesn’t like. I feel like I’ve read numerous tips but I can’t make anything stick or get through to her to stop being so awful.

Please tell me I’m not alone. I think I might actually lose my mind, or what very little I have left!!!

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There is such a variation as to when a tween or teen gets ‘attitude’ !! But be reassured that it normal (though at times exasperating) for most children to want, or need, to push back and assert themselves. Whether its eye rolling or full on disrespectful, this is a normal phase! The challenge is how to stay cool and maintain the relationship as well as important boundaries. They may be difficult to live with for a time -maybe years (!) - as the hormones kick in and they start to tread their own path. Prepare to watch your tone as they are highly sensitive to criticism!! Show that you are there for them and listen and maintain that connection with your daughter as that is your lifeline when things are difficult. Show an interest in her interests so you have some understanding from her perspective. Pick your battles and give her a bit more freedom if you are comfortable to do so - it shows you trust her and gives her respect. Use natural consequences if you can so that she learns to be responsible herself ; If she forgets her homework, then she has to deal with the teacher.
Ignore provocative comments and celebrate the better than usual moments!


Wow. Yes! Where do they get it from? They seem to become ‘teenagers’ long before they’re actually 13! Particularly strong willed girls it seems from me and my friends. I’m going to take on board some of Clare’s advice about picking battles - I think that’ll make a big difference for us. You are definitely not alone though @LondonParent. I think many of us are going through the same! :roll_eyes:. Many of us are losing our minds with you! :joy:


Ahh @Dr_Clare_Bailey your advice is always so spot on. Really helps focus my mind instead of just spinning out about whatever challenge I have!

You’re right, I need to tap into her interesrs more and I absolutely need to pick my battles. Right now we battle about everything so going to make a conscious effort to let some of it go.

Thanks again x

@LondonParent Teenagers are meant to push the boundaries and be obnoxious or just awkward, so don’t take it personally!
This is when looking after yourself and keeping calm shows her how to behave, as well as maintaining your relationship should help. At this stage, it can help to focus on staying calm. You don’t usually need to take immediate action, listen, say, ‘I see’, or ‘that’s interesting’ giving you a chance to think!!
I think your suggestion to give her more leeway and letting things go where you can, may well work for both of you!
let us know how you get on!