The challenge of setting boundaries

Many parents find showing their child love, praising them, playing and reading with them enjoyable and much easier than setting and enforcing limits.

Studies show that it’s all about the balance between love and limits and that’s what we fully embrace at Parenting Matters… A loving parent is one who sets consistent and fair limits for their child.

In the course we highlight 7 points in particular that could be helpful:

  1. First get their attention: Look your child in the eye (if necessary, put your hand on their shoulder).
  2. State clearly what you want them to do.
  3. Say it calmly! Lower your voice & speak more slowly.
  4. Take action: prompt your child, remove distractions, turn off TV/screens.
  5. Praise immediately if they do it.
  6. Ignore grumbles & complaints, as long as they do as asked.
  7. Repeat request if they don’t: if they still refuse, give a consequence (we can talk about consequences in more detail also!)

What’s everyone’s experience with boundaries? Do you find it easy or hard to maintain them?

Oooh this is a tough one for me. I do all of the above since learning about it in the course, but my son is so strong willed. It’s incredibly difficult. Sometimes he will scream and scream when I hold a boundary even if I’ve done all of the above. I just ride it out as I know I can’t give in but boundaries are something that I’ve found challenging for his whole life!

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Am with you on this @singlemumof1 , why so much screaming at the boundary!!! The above has definitely helped and I’ve seen a reduction in the amount of push back since following the process (particularly getting down on their level and keeping my voice calm) but on the odd occasion I’m still getting push back and meltdowns as a result.

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No advice on the screaming, just solidarity!! I found that once I pushed through and really, really stuck at it, it became easier and the pushback decreased. It definitely took some time but we did get there in the end. It’s not perfect now but there’s definitely less pushback than there used to be.

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Boundaries are super tough but it sounds like you’re all doing an amazing job at maintaining the boundaries you need to. Well done all :yellow_heart:

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